A Flutist’s Self-Worth
July 28, 2011
A thread on the FLUTE list popped up that saddened me. The question of the distinction between amateur and professional players came up, and I read the thread with dismay. The original poster’s intent was to ask the valid question why we flutists don’t support each other more, but the resulting discussion didn’t answer this question.
A certain flutist wrote who said that she is a “nobody in the flute world” because even though she leads a fulfilling musical life, the fact that no one knows her outside her own circle and she doesn’t hold an orchestra or teaching position doesn’t hold value in her eyes.
An unfortunate stereotype of flutists is that we’re all catty, uber competitive, and self-centered. When I meet a new flutist, I always gauge the person to figure out their attitude. By the end of my time with them, I know whether they share the same philosophy of music making I do (if you’ve read the rest of my blog, you know how I feel about music) or whether they are purely career focused (i.e. constantly focusing on the orchestra audition circuit or teaching positions). When I pick up on the latter attitude, I usually come away a little deflated and questioning my own worth.
Seeking approval from others is a struggle for me. When I was in college, I constantly wanted the approval of my flute teacher. She was hard on me, and it took me years to realize that it was because she wanted the BEST for me. I wasn’t in her studio to be told how good I was. I was in her studio to progress and become a better flutist…to better my chances of becoming a successful musician.
So what does “successful” mean? For a lot of flutists, this only means winning an orchestra or teaching job at a major school. Orchestra jobs are diminishing. The Philly Orchestra has declared bankruptcy, the Louisville Orchestra is no longer employing their musicians. Now, more than ever, flutists (and musicians everywhere) must be flexible and open to creating their own opportunities.
Your self-worth as a musician and as an individual should not be tied to what others are doing. We are musicians, with creative impulses and the ability to create opportunities for ourselves. This is what creative entrepreneurship is about. It’s about taking control of your life and your destiny. It’s about creating opportunities for yourself where none seemingly exist.
Do I struggle with self-doubt? Yes. But I struggle more with self-doubt when I find myself worrying about what others think especially those who have won those types of jobs we dream about in music school. My self-doubt dissipates when I stop worrying, and I start focusing on my own goals again.
If you have an idea for something great, pursue it. Don’t let entrenched attitudes stop you. Winning orchestra and teaching jobs is the old way of thinking. Now, more than ever before is the time to seize on opportunities. The power of the internet and social media can take you from obscurity into something more.
Unfortunately, a lot of musicians don’t know how to seize on these new opportunities. Instead, I meet a lot of flutists who had big dreams shattered by the harsh reality of the real world. Life often gets in the way of what we would like to have, but it doesn’t mean that we should give up just because we can’t win an orchestra audition or a teaching job.
Be flexible, adaptable, and true to yourself. Your musical career might take a path you didn’t expect, but the path least travelled leads to the most fulfilling work.
Go out and create! Here are a few resources to help you get past self-doubt and start or rejuvenate your career:
Beyond Talent by Angela Myles Beeching
The Savvy Musician by David Cutler
*Originally published on The Sensible Flutist, June 2011
© Alexis Del Palazzo 2011